but just when i tot…i tot of you again…

just had a random tot running thru my head while i was on the way home from work today

it’s been long…real long

i haven’t sat back and reflect about life…

but i just kinda did that over a short 30 mins just now

for all my life i have been focused on being outstanding

i wanted to be outstanding in school because if others could do it…i must do it better than them

i wanted to be outstanding at home because i was the eldest among all my cousins and i should thus do it best

i wanted to be outstanding among my frens because i had almost the best and there was no reason to be second best

i wanted to be outstanding in church because a leader should lead and do it well (of coz i do know that God’s love is not only for the outstanding..but that’s not the point..)

i wanted to be outstanding at work because i take on all my tasks with my utmost pride and sincerely

i just wanted to be outstanding in everything i do because as the only child at home…and i was trained to be outstanding

but little did i know that by being too outstanding…you might end up being out and standing

and i guess you will never understand that void within…until you get out…

I THINK I AM GOING TO MISS ALL OF YOU AT WORK!

Yes of course I am not leaving la..but after all this is another chapter of my life closed

And naturally that opens more doors too!

Before a chapter of my life closes, I have the habit of reflecting on it

And especially to the people who have crossed my path and made a difference

I just want to say a big THANK YOU..

because without you, or rather because of you I have become who I am today!

To some of you…I would like to write a special message to you..and only to you coz you are special to me!

Xiaoshi: Thank you Coach! Once a coach always a coach huh? Haha..of coz a very big thank you for bringing me along this journey for the past 3 years…it has been a memorable and exciting walk I must say! I am glad God put you in my life (I am sure you feel likewise too..HAHAHA!) because without your existence, life must be kinda boring! I really still wonder why I keep having to be your 接班人 but whatever la huh…stop praying about it please..coz when your prayers come true it somehow makes me very busy!

Indeed I must also say that it is you who made me realize how patient and accomodating I really am *lalala*…as you know..you have always enjoyed testing my patience with all your last minute stuns..but of coz this is also how i learn to grow up and tolerate your nonsense…in the same way..i hope my nonsense didnt piss you off too much..hahaha! Thank you once again for being who you are…and of coz thank you for always being the 大姐姐 that i wanted but never had! Of coz minus the many bad examples…WAAHHAHAHAHA!

Ms Mah: Thank you for watching over and taking care of me all these while…especially over the last 10 weeks! I know I have always caused you to 心惊胆跳 coz I do everything too fast..including saying all the wrong things at the wrong time..heehee! But I still know that without me your life would not be so 精彩 right? Hahaha! I really really wanna tell you that I enjoyed working with you and I am so going to miss the 插电 and ‘i am hungry’ moments…

Thank you for all the little tips and skills that you have taught me along the way…they sure come in handy in future…and of coz all the ‘laugh-until-i-die’ moments which is going to stay with me for a lifetime! THANK YOU! I really have nothing much to say but to give thanks to YHWH because He placed you in my life..as a friend, mentor, sister! I also want a 姐姐 like you…coz you look like my 妹妹! hahaha! so small and pretty! Sitting opposite you everyday makes me feel good coz i get to see a pretty and smiley face all the time! Hahaha! Thanks for entertaining my nonsense at all times of the day..listening to my complains and whining so often and last but not least…thanks for being one of the few proper extrovert at work! you make time pass faster when it gets boring! hahahahaha!

Shenna: SHENNA CASTRO! omg you nonsense! thank god you didnt go back to the states yet! haiyo you are my partner in crime (no i mean at work!)…hahahhaah! working with you have always been such great fun because your random excitement tickles me very much! hahahhaha…i really think you are full of crap but still cute of coz! hahahahahaha..you are my sunshine at work and I so miss fighting the war at the front desk with you! remember those days in IP when we both always laugh laugh laugh! it was so fun! SHENNA you very good ah! TANKS!

Baoyue: Yes my ‘i-dunno-how-you-started-becoming-my-fren’ fren! indeed that scream across the walkway on that fateful afternoon made a very big difference to both our lives…look at where we are now man! hahahahaha….yes thank you woman! sometimes you really teach me about life’s biggest lessons with the random one sentence utterance which you happen to say at the right time! I give thanks for you and hopfully down the years I will continue to believe that the choice I made to talk to you 3 years ago was right…WHAAHAHHAHAHA! P.S.: Stop being late on my birthdays…:S

Many many loves to you all..thank you for making my life so exciting and fun!

but this is just a verse of the song i am listening while blogging

and it just happen to stand out to me

there are just too many questions in the everyday life

some of them are meant to be sought after for an answer

while some others exist just to make you reflect and perhaps forget it

i am not sure what is the storm in me at this moment

could it be that because i choose to be oblivious so as to avoid being dragged into a stormy situation

or otherwise i am just too optimistic as a person

that’s about the problem with human beings

sometimes the most obvious things are just placed right in front of you

but you still dun see it

and you go around the bush many many times to find the thing that is right next to you

tell me about searching for what you really desire

oh please cut the crap!!!

dun try so hard…

it isnt really that hard…

it just take you to slow down…USE YOUR BRAIN..

and taaa-dddaaahhhhh….there you go!

dun tell me that some things cannot be explained…

this is fast becoming what we tend to take for granted

the idea here is ‘some’ things

not EVERYTHING

at the rate we categorize things we cannot justify….some things is becoming almost everything else

of coz we believe that sometimes logic dun go with the flow….but when these things just gets so obvious..

its either you dun have common sense or you just simply dun sense what is common..

well honestly…if you are still circling in your own thoughts and guessing what is on my mind…

i suggest you just reflect about it…and simply like what most wld do….

FORGET IT ;p

Mygosh…is that a write up on me? Hahaha…

Love asked Friendship, “Why do you always appear when I am not around?”

Friendship then replied, “To put a smile in places where you left tears.

Thank you PD for your small little gesture of a big hug….it made me realize how real Yahweh really is…

Just when I tot all is lost…God you made and will continue to make a big difference…

Hang on there Racheal….dun give up…just grow up!

If you want me to know the truth

Prepare me for the one and only truth

I am all ears, heart, mind, and soul…

in no order of chronology or merit…

it was the first time i skipped all lectures for one of my modules

it was the first time i skipped 2 consecutive tutorials in 2 weeks

it was the first time i was late for an exam

it was the first time i cabbed to school (bladdy expensive manz!)

it was the first time lost my voice coz i was so sick

it was the first time i lost more than 5 kg of weight since i was born?

it was the first time i rebonded my hair

it was the first time i studies so much just 1 night before an exam

it was the first time i realized i appreciated ‘me-time’ a lot too

it was the first time i felt so confused

it was the first time i felt i gave proper thought to my beliefs

it was the first time i can be bothered to make a difference

it was the first time i felt i betrayed my own values and beliefs

these were the first times…

but it is going to be the first time…

i face the consequence of all my first times

be it good or bad…

could it also be the first time im turning into a rebellious kid?

well seriously who cares…

what makes you think you can change my mind…

cummon try harder!

ok the revision part only…

the dreaded paper is on Wednesday…technically its just tomorrow!

in just 2.5 hours…it will be over for..for awhile at least…

dying to make it history!

i can’t wait for sch to end..exams to end…

actually im pretty excited about the 3 months long break!

internship at BMI…not smthg that totally new…but smthg to look forward to…

i enjoy ‘working’ more than schooling

school is sucha a bore man!

exams are much worser

all i want is to rid off those readings and books!

freedom where art thou?

Sumiko Tan….one of my all-time favourite on the papers

She started off the article with this:

“I base too many of my decisions on my heart rather than my head. Is it time to change tactics?”

My first reaction, “YES OF COZ DUH!”

How could a person ever let your heart rule your head?

Being rational and pragmatic me…It was a big no no…TABOO!

but think again racheal…are you practicing what you preach?

yadah yadah yadah….i always calculate my risk and costs…

i always weigh my odds and see things in tangibles and the intangibles…

but then again…how come i still make so many irrational choices?

are those considerd attempts to let me heart rule my head?

looks like the sociology of emotions course did not conclude anything for me with regard to this issue!

use your head…use my head…DUMBO!

affairs of the heart…in all aspects…COMPLEX!